Saturday, December 29, 2012

The 8 Most Damaging Excuses People Make For Their Unhappiness

The 8 Most Damaging Excuses People Make For Their Unhappiness

The 8 Most Damaging Excuses People Make are:
1.  I don’t have the money to do this.
How people respond to the idea of getting outside help (coaching, etc.) acts as a metaphor for how they deal with their problems and their lives.  I can’t tell you how many hundreds of people reached out to me this year desperate for assistance, asking me for free help, and claiming they don’t have any money to spend on getting the help they need, though they realize that outside help is exactly what is necessary now.
I know this will inflame some readers, but here’s the reality – if you believe there’s no way for you to generate even $250 – if you can’t think of any way to be of service to someone else that would generate more income for you, then you’re stuck in the biggest excuse of all – that money is the problem and the root of scarcity in your life.
But that’s completely incorrect.  What’s lacking is your understanding of your vast capabilities, talents and gifts, and how you can be of service to others and the world.  No matter who you are and what your life experiences and history have been, you have something important to offer that others need, and will pay you well for.
If money has been the key reason why you won’t get help or make life or career change, let it go, and understand that the more you empower yourself to take control, the more you’ll access your ability to be of service and make more money.  Don’t play the victim anymore.  (If money is a recurring problem for you, read the groundbreaking book The Energy of Money, by Maria Nemeth).
2.  I’m not ready to do the work required to change.
Hundreds of unhappy and unfulfilled people admitted  to me this year, “ I’m just not ready to make change. “ Here’s a stark reality folks – no one is really ready to make change.  We resist change fiercely.  We change because what we have created in our lives has become intolerable and we finally realize there’s no way to overcome it except moving through and beyond it, and that takes energy and courage.
As we embark on 2013, I ask you this – can you let go of your belief that you’re not ready?  Can you simply accept that if you want something different in your life, there is no better time than now to bring that into being, despite how “ready” you feel?
3.  I’m afraid of what I don’t know.
Welcome to being human.  We’ve all heard the expression “The devil you know is better than the devil you don’t.“ But in truth, this is just another excuse for staying stuck.  The only way to have an exciting and enriching life is to stretch way out of your comfort zone, and to take on challenges that make you feel afraid of failure and embarrassment.  Once you make facing your demons a common occurrence in your life, you’ll realize that “the devil’ is simply your ego fearing its demise. In other words, you are deathly afraid of making mistakes, walking through the unknown, and appearing (to yourself and others) as “less than.” But that’s what life is – unknown, uncontrolled, and unlimited.  Go for it – find the one area that would excite you the most and stretch into the unknown. (Download my free Career Path Self-Assessment to understand what would excite you most in your career in 2013.)
4.   What if it doesn’t work out?
I hear this excuse weekly – “What if this big change I’m trying doesn’t work out?” Well, then you’ll deal with it, and you’ll become stronger, more confident and more capable than you were before you tried this new direction.  This happened to me – after my 18-year corporate stint and before I launched my coaching and training practice, I became a marriage and family therapist.  After serving as a therapist for 5 years, I faced the reality that I simply didn’t enjoy or feel well-suited to the professional identity of a therapist.  Some would say that “it didn’t work out.” But I believe it did – I use every single tool and strategy that I learned in my therapy training in my coaching, writing, speaking and training work.  In the end, it did work out – I just needed to find the right avenue in which to apply the powerful and transformational tools that therapy training offered.
Let’s face it – many people in this world are judgmental, negative, naysaying and critical, and don’t believe in power of your (or their) abilities.  It’s a fact.  But are you going to let this type of thinking keep you from changing what needs to be revised in your life?  It’s a group mentality that says we have to keep doing in life what makes us miserable.  Embrace a more individualistic and self-reliant view.  Trust in yourself, and believe that you have the right and the worthiness to live your life as you dream it. Don’t let the naysayers hold you back.
6.  My family needs me to keep doing this.
No, they don’t.  Your family needs you to be ONE thing and one thing only – all that you are meant to be in this world, nothing less.  You didn’t come to this planet at this time simply to pay your mortgage.  Of course, you have financial obligations that must be fulfilled.  But while doing that, always plant the seeds for your future self, for the self that wants to grow, and be bigger and better and in service to the world in ways that give form to your highest and best life intentions.  Families demand a lot, but don’t kid yourself that your being a great family person, parent or provider has to mean that you give up on yourself as a highly contributive and fulfilled individual in this world.
7.  I don’t really believe it’s going to work out.
People who are chronically miserable and underdeveloped often have at their core a faulty belief that no matter what they really want, it’s not going to work out.  If you have this belief, look at your childhood, and the messages you learned growing up with the family you were given.  Understand that the belief that it won’t work out came from someone or something else outside of you.  We’re not born believing that the universe is unfriendly and uncaring.  We learn that.  What you want is most certainly possible for you, but not if you don’t believe it is.
8.  This is just me – I can’t change it.
Anything you think and feel can be changed.  You are NOT your thoughts. You are separate from your thoughts and emotions. But you must become aware of your thoughts and emotions before you can be free of their hold on you. I’ve personally witnessed the transformation of hundreds of people’s lives once they realize they can change what they think and feel.  (And I’m a living example of how we can overcome extremely limiting beliefs and experiences to reach a much more joyful way of life).  If you’re chronically unhappy and dissatisfied, this isn’t “just you.”  This is a version of you that wants modification.   You don’t have to live with chronic unhappiness – get the help you need to be free of it.   (If you are suffering from a chronic depressed mood or thinking, therapeutic assistance may be of help to you.  Ask your doctor for a referral or visit the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and find a therapist in your area).
 * * * * * * *
If you want something different in 2013, stop making excuses.  Embrace the fact that your longing for something better means you are ready for change.  You deserve it, you’re ready, and it’s time.


Para Ser Grande

Para ser grande, sê inteiro: nada
Teu exagera ou exclui.
Sê todo em cada coisa. Põe quanto és
No mínimo que fazes.
Assim em cada lago a lua toda
Brilha, porque alta vive.

Friday, December 28, 2012

8 Things You Must Give Up to Find Peace

8 Things You Must Give Up to Find Peace


1.  Old regrets and excuses.

You can’t always choose what happens to you, but you can always choose how you feel about it and what you do about it.  You don’t have to be defined by the things you did or didn’t do in the past.  Don’t let yourself be controlled by regret.  Maybe there’s something you could have done differently, or maybe not.  Either way, it’s merely something that has already happened.
Be done with these old regrets; they’re just an excuse for people who have failed, and failing only happens if you learn nothing and give up.  Ninety-nine percent of all failures come from people who have a habit of making these empty excuses.
Think about it, you rarely fail for the things you do.  You fail for the things you don’t do, the business you leave unfinished, the things you make excuses about for the rest of your life.  Read Awaken the Giant Within.

2.  The burning desire to have all the answers.

Accept the feeling of not knowing exactly where you are going, and train yourself to love and appreciate this sensation of freedom.  Because it is only when you are suspended in the air, with no destination in sight, that you force your wings to open fully so you can fly.  And as you soar around you still may not know where you’re traveling to.  But that’s not what’s important.
What’s important is the opening of your wings.  You may not know where you’re going, but you know that so long as your wings are spread, the winds will carry you forward.

3.  The false hope of a pain-free life.

Pain is a part of life, and life’s pains have many shapes and sizes.
There’s the cold feet pain of moving on ‒ graduating, taking the next step, walking away from the familiar and into the unknown.  There’s the sharp growing pains of trial and error, of failing as you learn the best way forward.  There’s the immense, dizzying pain of life slapping you in the face when everything you thought you knew wasn’t true, or everything you had planned for falls through.
There are the more ambiguous aches and pains of successes, when you actually get what you had hoped for, but then realize that it’s not quite what you had envisioned.  And then, from time to time, there are the warm, tingling pains you feel when you realize that you are standing in a moment of sweet perfection, a priceless instant of achievement or happiness which you know cannot possibly last ‒ and yet will remain with you forever.
Even though so many folks forget, pain is actually a good thing.  It means you’re breathing, and trying, and interacting with the endless possibilities in this world.  Pain is for the living only; it’s worth fully accepting and dealing with while you still have a chance.  Read Radical Acceptance.

4.  Ties to insensitive people.

People are extremely difficult to change.
Throughout your lifetime people will make you mad, disrespect you and treat you bad.  Don’t consume yourself with trying to change them or win their approval.  And don’t make any space in your heart to hate them.  Simply walk away and let karma deal with the things they do, because any bit of time you spend on them will be wasted, and any bit of hate in your heart will only hurt you.

“Those who occupy their minds with small matters, generally become incapable of greatness.” - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

“Those who occupy their minds with small matters, generally become incapable of greatness.” - Francois de La Rochefoucauld

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Oops. Mark Zuckerberg's Sister Has A Private Facebook Photo Go Public. $FB

“The problems I face are opportunities.”


1.  “The problems I face are opportunities.”

The problems and challenges you face are not there to stop you.  Their purpose is to bring your commitment to the surface where it can come wholly and forcefully to life.
The challenges that are the most difficult are often the ones that create the greatest positive difference.  Situations with the most formidable problems are where you unearth your greatest opportunities.
The only question is:  Are you willing to do what it takes?  Read Think and Grow Rich.

2.  “What’s important is creating value.”

Do something you are proud of.  Instead of struggling to get one up on everyoneelse, raise your awareness to the point where the competition becomes insignificant.  Get in the habit of creating real value, and you won’t feel the need to take anything away from others.
To be truly effective be sincere and helpful.  Find satisfaction and fulfillment in making a difference and pulling all of life forward with you.

3.  “I can’t anticipate everything, and that’s okay.”

There’s a difference between being prepared and being scared.
There’s much you can gain by planning and preparing, by anticipating what is most likely to happen and being ready for it.  Yet there is no reason to be paralyzed by over-thinking and endless worry, because you have what it takes to handle even the most unexpected setbacks.
And no matter how well you plan, not everything can be anticipated anyway, and that’s actually a good thing.  Sometimes when a roadblock forces you in a different direction, you cross paths with the opportunity of a lifetime.

4.  “My fears are often an indication that something is worth doing.”

Do not to be afraid of your fears.  Your fears are not here to scare you; they’re here to let you know that something you’re thinking about and considering is worth doing.
If you always feel afraid, it means that there are lots of things worth doing – lots of worthy options called opportunities.  It’s time to pick one and take a chance.

5.  “Passions and goals must be self-set.”

Just because someone tells you that you can’t do something doesn’t mean you have to let their opinion become your reality.  If you spend too much time reacting and responding to everyone else, you will lose YOUR direction in life.  These other people’s opinions, problems and wants will end up setting the course for your life.
So take a stand right now and say this to yourself out loud:  “It is OK for me to think about and identify what I want for myself.”  If you live by this statement, remarkable things will take place in your life.

6.  “My time is sacred.”

Maybe you can afford to procrastinate.  Maybe for you there’s a tomorrow.  Maybe for you there’s a thousand tomorrows, or ten thousand, or more.  Maybe you have so much time ahead of you that you can afford to spend it frivolously and foolishly without losing sleep.  There’s a whole lifetime worth of minutes you can waste.  Maybe…
But maybe not.  For some of us – perhaps for you or someone you love – there’s only today.  And the truth is, you never really know.  Read Eat That Frog!

7.  “Positive results are the outcome of positive daily actions.”

Your real religion is how you spend the majority of your time – what you do and think about on and daily basis long after the sermon has ended.  Do something that makes you proud.  Start walking the talk.  Make your strategic plan:  DOING THINGS THAT MATTER!
You don’t need a new year to make a change; all you need is today.  Make this the moment you start changing your life.

8.  “Perfection is a fantasy.”

Understanding the difference between healthy striving and striving for perfection is critical to laying down unnecessary weight and picking up your life.  Perfectionism hampers happiness and success.  It’s the path to depression, anxiety, addiction and life paralysis.
And this is true for your relationships as well…
Judge less, love more.  Flaws are features.  You don’t know a single perfect person, they don’t exist.  Who you do know are a bunch of flawed people who are still worth appreciating and loving.  If you try to avoid people for their little idiosyncrasies and shortcomings, this world will be a lonely place for you.  ReadPersonal Development for Smart People.

9.  “I am 100% responsible for my life.”

It’s easy to blame someone else for your troubles, but it doesn’t resolve anything.  Sure, at first it might seem reasonable to expect your problems to be solved by those who helped create them, but stop and think about it.  Do you want to give the people who created past problems for you any additional control over your future?
To move your life forward you must be willing to take full responsibility for it.  That means moving past what’s easy and accepting that you’re going to have to do things for yourself.  Perhaps life has given you a burden you don’t deserve.  Instead of seeing this as an excuse to give up, see it as an opportunity to take charge and give it all you’ve got.
You are stronger and more capable than you think."

The internet is leaving children brain-dead: Inventor warns 'Google generation who spend life in front of screens are losing creativity and skills'

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character. - #Albert #Einstein

Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character. - Albert Einstein

Out With the Old Anxiety

Out With the Old Anxiety

Anxiety and I are not on quite such good terms yet. What Bergman called a friend, I am currently calling my ex. Still, I recognize that we must coexist. And if this is so, I expect something in return; it shall serve as my most effective motivator — the sense of aliveness that gets me out of bed, to my desk, anxious to work. Indeed, without some anxiety, I would not be here right now, typing furiously, searching for the perfect words to describe it.
Ultimately, I have had enough experience with anxiety to sense when it may turn destructive. My strategy is to call it out when it surfaces. As it starts to crest into a wave that threatens to turn tidal and take me under, I take a step back on an imagined beach: “Hey! You!” I silently yell. “I see you coming.” I take a deep breath. I stand my ground. The acid-green water begins to still, the swirling winds die down. Something lifts. I dive in soundlessly and swim.

Monday, December 17, 2012

Nickel Wire

28 Brilliant Tips for Living Life

28 Brilliant Tips for Living Life

Sometimes the littlest change can make a world of difference.
Start waking a little earlier and spending some quiet time to start your day? The rest of the day has been transformed.
What little change might change your life? You can pick one or two from the list below at random — I can almost guarantee that one of them will do worlds of good for anyone.
I compiled this list this morning after asking on Twitter: “What’s your best tip that has made life better/easier?” The result was a wonderful influx of brilliant wisdom. Thank you, my friends.

10 ways to CHANGE DIRECTION in Life #Positive #Goals

10 ways to CHANGE DIRECTION in Life #Positive #Goals

1. Get clear about what you want. A boat that wanders aimlessly never reaches the shore. You need to have some direction to help guide you along the way. Some people start out with a complete picture, while others identify one or two things they want to change right now. Either way, you need to get clear about where you are going.
2. Start small. A danger zone exists when you get clear about where you want to be. You start to feel excited about the life you want to live, and then you try to change everything at once. You get exhausted, and you give up. Don’t set yourself up for falling back into your old life. Start with the smallest action you can take today and just do that.
3. Focus on what not how. If you continually focus on how you are going to accomplish massive transitions in your life, you will never begin taking those small actions. When you think about how, your mind can come up with all sorts of scenarios where you don’t reach the goal. This is not what you need to focus on. None of this matters today. Worrying about a future that will most likely never come to pass is a waste of both your time and energy.
Put your focus where it matters most—what do you want for your life? Once you focus on the what, and start taking those small actions, the how will take care of itself.
4. Don’t think about how long it has been this way. I spent fourteen years working on my professional career, before I left it behind to write and run my own business. I spenttwenty-three years overweight before I lost that first pound. Now I spend every day writing and running my own business. And to date, I have lost over 108 pounds.

Sunday, December 16, 2012

The Power of Concentration #NYT

The Power of Concentration #NYT

"MEDITATION and mindfulness: the words conjure images of yoga retreats and Buddhist monks. But perhaps they should evoke a very different picture: a man in a deerstalker, puffing away at a curved pipe, Mr. Sherlock Holmes himself. The world’s greatest fictional detective is someone who knows the value of concentration, of “throwing his brain out of action,” as Dr. Watson puts it. He is the quintessential unitasker in a multitasking world.
More often than not, when a new case is presented, Holmes does nothing more than sit back in his leather chair, close his eyes and put together his long-fingered hands in an attitude that begs silence. He may be the most inactive active detective out there. His approach to thought captures the very thing that cognitive psychologists mean when they say mindfulness.
Though the concept originates in ancient Buddhist, Hindu and Chinese traditions, when it comes to experimental psychology, mindfulness is less about spirituality and more about concentration: the ability to quiet your mind, focus your attention on the present, and dismiss any distractions that come your way. The formulation dates from the work of the psychologist Ellen Langer, who demonstrated in the 1970s that mindful thought could lead to improvements on measures of cognitive function and even vital functions in older adults.
Now we’re learning that the benefits may reach further still, and be more attainable, than Professor Langer could have then imagined. Even in small doses, mindfulness can effect impressive changes in how we feel and think — and it does so at a basic neural level.
In 2011, researchers from the University of Wisconsin demonstrated that daily meditation-like thought could shift frontal brain activity toward a pattern that is associated with what cognitive scientists call positive, approach-oriented emotional states — states that make us more likely to engage the world rather than to withdraw from it.
Participants were instructed to relax with their eyes closed, focus on their breathing, and acknowledge and release any random thoughts that might arise. Then they had the option of receiving nine 30-minute meditation training sessions over the next five weeks. When they were tested a second time, their neural activation patterns had undergone a striking leftward shift in frontal asymmetry — even when their practice and training averaged only 5 to 16 minutes a day.
As little as five minutes a day of intense Holmes-like inactivity, and a happier outlook is yours for the taking — though this particular benefit seems to have been lost on Holmes himself, what with his bouts of melancholy and his flirtations with a certain 7 percent solution. A quick survey will show that the paradox is illusory: Holmes is depressed when there is no target for his mental faculties. Give him a project, and balance is restored.
But mindfulness goes beyond improving emotion regulation. An exercise in mindfulness can also help with that plague of modern existence: multitasking. Of course, we would like to believe that our attention is infinite, but it isn’t. Multitasking is a persistent myth. What we really do is shift our attention rapidly from task to task. Two bad things happen as a result. We don’t devote as much attention to any one thing, and we sacrifice the quality of our attention. When we are mindful, some of that attentional flightiness disappears as if of its own accord."

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Friday, December 7, 2012

Lord Justice Leveson calls for new laws to curb 'mob rule' on the internet #YRO

Lord Justice Leveson calls for new laws to curb 'mob rule' on the internet

Lord Justice Leveson has called for new laws to curb the rise of "mob rule" on the internet and says he is keenly watching the aftermath of his report into media ethics.

'Launching a series of warnings about the dangers of an unfettered internet and "trial by Twitter", Lord Justice Leveson said he believed politicians would eventually find ways to restrain the "wilder excesses" of online behaviour.

Citing the publication of topless photos of the Duchess of Cambridge and this week's prank call to her hospital by two Australian radio hosts, he said the history of the media showed the need for measures to protect people's privacy.

Appearing at a conference on privacy in Sydney run by the University of Technology, Sydney, Lord Justice Leveson said he was "concerned" about the debate that had followed his 2000-page report but would not comment on the response of the government or the media.

"I am watching developments in the UK with interest," he said.'